like me

In my grief, I have been struggling to deal with the constant triggers that have arisen. Learning to process my emotions without relying on negative body image and other forms of self-hatred is difficult. Trying to do so while grieving around people who do not believe in what I am trying to do makes it feel insurmountable.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like there is anyone looking to save me. Color me disappointed. I guess I don’t need saving. Kindness towards myself would probably go a lot further than a man with a hero complex buying me flowers. I do still like flowers though.

I had nightmares last night about losing weight. In my dreams, I decided it was the only way I could live with myself. It all felt too real because it once was reality, a living nightmare.

What else can I expect with so many triggers around me? I’m trying though and that is going to have to count for something in my mind.

I have to take what I have and build upon it. That’s the situation no matter how you slice it or dice it. It could be worse, could be better.

Guess what though? I showed up today again. I couldn’t write a blog that wouldn’t be successful or so I thought. I’m officially writing an unsuccessful blog. And, to be honest, it is quite fun. Never thought it could be this fun being mediocre.

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