we will see, won’t we?

Writing sounds like such a drag right now. I don’t know why I insist on trying to write when I complain about it to myself every time I try to do it. Does that mean I don’t actually care about learning how to be a writer? Am I in denial?

It seems like I am convinced that I don’t actually want to write and use every thought as a sign that writing is a bad idea. It sounds pretty consistent with my insecurities about writing and about what writing, or even aspiring to write, says about a person.

I fear that writers are soft and self-centered people who do not contribute to society. That’s why I feel so awful about wanting to write; I fear that wanting to write makes me a soft and self-centered person who will not contribute to society. That’s pretty uncomfortable.

And, no, I don’t care to explore that further at the moment.

On a lighter note, I might have the opportunity to take on another part-time job. Oddly, two part-time jobs do not make a full-time job when you think about benefits or lack thereof. I don’t mind though as I’m not that interested in a full-time job as it makes my anxiety and my perfectionism spike to epic proportions.

Anyway, that’s all filed under to be determined for now.