electric skin

Today has been terrible for me though I hardly had to do anything at all. I mostly thought about how negative my body image is and how depressed I feel. I have no idea how to improve my situation.

I went down a rabbit hole online about celebrity culture and now regret it. Reading about the problems of random famous people made me feel distracted for about an hour, but now I feel worse. I don’t know them. I can’t relate to them. I’m still stuck with the same problems I woke up with.

I want to improve my mood, but everything that has been suggested to me sounds so simple yet elusive. Some of these ideas sound easy enough, but feel so overwhelmingly difficult.

I do not want to struggle this way indefinitely. I feel like I’m experiencing a dull sensation of heartache and dread all over my body every waking minute. My mind is cloudy. I have glimmers of hope that maybe last seconds. Then, the depression swallows me again.

The idea of positivity taunts me. Most people I know would tell me to suck it up. I do not know how to do that anymore. Well, in other words, repressing my emotions put me in this position in the first place.

I want to feel better, but I don’t actually know what that would mean for me. I’m assuming that I want to feel better, which feels silly to write. However, that’s the most accurate way I can think of phrasing it: that I assume I want to feel better about myself.