walled cities

I felt very emotionally attacked and subsequently dismissed by someone yesterday, which is why I didn’t post. I told that person I do not want to communicate with her for a couple of weeks. I’m not sure what will happen.

When I feel like this, I shut down and obsess over the situation. That is what has been happening for a couple of days. This behavior is labelled everything from immature to dysfunctional, but it has often been the only workable way that I can avoid social danger.

I do not have anyone to turn to on an average day. If I talk about politics, current events, pop culture, or the weather, I have a never-ending contact list. However, if I struggle emotionally, there is no one to call. This hurts tremendously.

I’m quick to block out people who offend me. It is easy to call that a flaw, but I have stuck out situations for far too long out of necessity and endured lengthy periods of humiliation. It is difficult to go through that without a deep distrust for others.

I survived the hurricane because I built strong walls. I’ll venture outside once in a while, but I’m not looking to break down my walls. Those walls are the reason that I’m walking around today.