old battles

I’m overwhelmed. I’m fixated over whether I’ll do enough work in enough time. I don’t care about what I’m doing and I also want to do it perfectly and receive praise. I also won’t accept or believe any of the praise, but I want it anyway. This job was meant to help with my mental health, but I find myself fighting the same old battles. Maybe, this time I will fight those battles differently though.

I feel a deep distrust for others, which felt profound and distressing today. When I told someone that I did not have the energy to listen to that person complain, she snapped at me. She doesn’t listen to me though. It is unbalanced and it stings.

I guess the stinging will be temporary though.